The Blog

Becoming Bond

Sarah Mable Becoming Bond 2

 

I had never heard of George Lazenby when I saw, a couple of days ago, the last ten minutes of the documentary Becoming Bond. My friend was watching it and I stopped by for some catching up and was immediately captivated by what this man was saying.

George Lazenby is best known for being the second actor to portray James Bond in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. He was at the time 29 years old. This was the only Bond film he appeared in so that’s why not a lot of people remember him. The documentary is about recounting his life story.

He told the interviewer in the end that he had done everything in his life and had no regrets. He never could have imagined when he was younger that one day he would play Bond. James Bond. He was always someone open for anything, grabbing life in each moment, and this role came on his path. He had been a model, an actor, a used car salesman, a real estate investor, he raced motorcycles, was married twice, has children. He had highs and lows but overall looking back a life will lived.
Sarah Mable Becoming Bond 2

The interviewer asked him, ‘What do you hope people remember about your life.’ He paused and then he said,
‘I would like them to know that you can defy what is expected of you. Choose your own path.’

To defy what is expected of you. To stand strong and follow the path you want to follow instead of what is expected of you.
Let’s get real, it’s incredibly hard to not have expectations. Expectations feed frustration. Simple things become really complicated when you expect too much. The root of a lot of misery and pain. It’s an unhealthy attachment to people, things and outcome we wish we could control, but we don’t. We really don’t, but most of the times we try. People who are attached to the results of action cannot really enjoy what they do. Thus, not so great.

Too many expectations and fear block fulfilment. Inner fulfilment is what we are looking for. When you let go of expectation, when you let go of what you think you want or should get, there will be space in your life for your desires to arrive. You can ease up on yourself, without shrinking your dreams. The cosmos deals in currency of emotion. When we feel good, good is what we get. Feeling good increases your flexibility and make you sexy as F. Because strong is beautiful. Resilient is gorgeous and authenticity is magnetic.

If you lead the lives other people are expecting of you we will never fulfil your own potential. When you start to fulfil your own dreams and goals you will become less interested in what other people are saying or doing. And people will do and say a lot of things they will have a clear idea on how you should lead your life, but most of the time no idea about his of her own.

On top of that most people conscious or unconscious put you in a box because of the way you think, dress or look. Because of the family you come from, your religion, your talent or the position you have in life. They will have a name for it.
Ahh you are a hipster, you are a spiritual seeker, you are a stay-at-home mom, you are a Christen, you are married,  you are divorced, a CEO, a DJ, a sales guy, you are a snob, you are a PT, PA, you are gay, you are black, you are white.

But one day you will name yourself,
and that name will belong to you.

 

 

I’m Bond. James Bond.

 

What do you mean?

Life can get frustrating without a deeper meaning. Some people aren’t even aware of it, some are not ready. Some will never think about meaning to start with. Sometimes it’s just not the time but when people can’t find a deeper meaning in their lives they distract themselves with pleasure.
I can enjoy the pleasures, hell I’ve indulged myself in the pleasures of life but I always came back to the middle. At a certain point you will get enough of behaviour by default. You will circle back. Sarah Snap

Coming back to the middle means you will have time to look back and reflect. — it was chaotic at times, detours, heartbreak but sometimes the bliss was so elevated that my heart could hardly hold it. It never went according to plan. It wasn’t calm either but oh boy did I learn. —
And those are the parts where you find out who you are and you will see that every next level of your life will demand another version of you.

You will have periods of intense pleasure, coming back, stillness, steady, coming back, intensity, pleasures, coming back, highs, lows, coming back. Like mountains winds and ocean waves. These are cycles of growth even if it doesn’t look like it and it sure doesn’t feel like it. When you have the ability to see beyond things as they are. You are building character. How do you know what good is without knowing the bad, or being courageous without knowing fear.

When we talk about a deeper meaning in our lives is what I believe knowing yourself. Your value is who you are. On a daily basis when you know yourself in the background you can deal with a lot of crap in the foreground of your life. Stillness can take you there and pleasures will take you there too. Just different roads to travel on.

All of your so-called faults, all the things which you don’t like about yourself are your greatest assets. Because you aren’t using these assets they are over amplified, the volume has turned up a bit too much. Turn the volume down and you will have different results.
The over amplified assets is our fire not identified yet, it can be creative, sexual, intellectual but the fire has to come out at one point, if not it will find a way to implode.
Good intentions are not enough, you can’t be lazy or go back to sleep, willingness is everything. The willingness to see things differently.

So stretch. Stretch more than you can reach and this requires curiosity about the world and yourself and the desire to go beyond your own limitations of your present knowledge and experience.
Find the liar in your life. It takes a lot of energy to be a personality, it takes no energy to be yourself. Power struggles totally depend on the energy of the other instead of our own. The deep rooted fear and insecurity that we are not good enough comes from not knowing that we are. Not knowing who we are. And we are always more. More than you think you are.

I will come back to where I always circle back to. Love.
A meaningful life is not a popularity contest. You can’t really go for the greatest level of meaningful success in your life if you are tight to applause. Some of your greatest personal success will be your failures and heartbreak, and some of what you thought was a success was in the end a failure.
Love provides us the ability to discern the meaning of things that lies beyond facts alone. It’s the intuitive knowledge of our hearts.
It doesn’t mean we give up power.
Love is how we reclaim it.

This is what you came for

Sarah Mable

Love isn’t always a love story. It can be part of our everyday.

It can be running your finger along a sign that says ‘do not touch’.
Falling for someone because of what they can create. Dancing with a stranger at a wedding. Wearing blue jeans to black tie.
Losing things because your mind is on big ideas.
Enjoying where you are, this moment. Flirt. Living with mystery.

Using your powerful imagination to bring the sublime to the mundane.
Seeing poetry in a chance meeting.
Believing in love at first site, serendipity, magic and the force of nature. Feeling the vibe. Taking the time for sentiment.
Walking to the edge of your desire. Giving in to temptation.
Looking someone in the eyes and thinking, mine.

Sarah Mable

It can be walking different paths so the whole world can be explored.
Burning your name in every moment you touch.
Having oysters for breakfast. Swimming at sunrise. Staying one more night and unpack.
Seeking elegance rather than luxury. Feeling wealthy, instead of rich.

Devotion. Intimacy. Connection. Not skin.
Getting knocked out to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
Embracing uncertainty, feeling the vulnerability. Honesty is maturity.
Write. Seeing the beauty of a storm when you have no umbrella.

Discovering that success means freedom not confinement.
That love is both feeling and an action. Like light is a particle and a wave.
Risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams and the adventure of being alive.
Dance with wildness.
Declaring your love to someone you can’t stop thinking about for one day.


Love through the common.
Because this is what you came for.

And everybody’s watching her,
but she’s looking at You,
You.

You.

Was that love?

Sarah

Seems like everybody has their own definition for it, right?
Some people love their cats, their dogs, their cars, their shoes, Some people love their husbands, people love Sex.
One thing is for sure everybody wants to be loved, but not many people are good at it.
But the question still remains.

What is love?

SarahThe truth is, we have forgotten what real love is. Our ideas about love come from, romantic comedies, popular songs, books, Instagram posts, Pinterest quotes. And what do they show us, a romantic type of love (and don’t get me wrong I’m a romantic). But as you are aware, in your own life, these ideas have led to more anxiety and pain, than true pleasure and happiness. Not a single person sees the hard work of really loving someone.

The love we know is based on ownership. ‘You are my love, my sweetheart. I love you.’ But, only if you’re with me. That’s a possessive type of love. That’s a love with strings attached. That’s an impure type of love.

Ask yourself this question: Who do you hate?
It could be somebody you used to love? A large percentage of murders are actually done out of crimes of passion. Couples that once held hands and made children are now standing in front of each other in court out of jealousy and obsession. Couples that once shared tender kisses, now share hatred for one another.
How can love turn to hate in a single instant?

Was that love?

No that’s not love. It was compulsive attachment. Scientist have actually observed that the exact same part of your brain that activates when you are in love is the exact same part that activates when you are high on cocaine. The cycles of pain and pleasure that a lot of us go through in a relationship, makes us feel alive but.. so does cocaine. That’s not love that’s attachment, that’s addiction. That’s also the reason why a large percentage of the couples stay in a broken relationship. Better to feel pain, pain is what you know and that is better than the unknown..

What is love? I believe that everybody, especially if you’re in a personal relationship with somebody should strive towards a higher form of love. It’s about time we grow up. The idea that one man, or one women will satisfy all of your needs, is crazy and puts a lot of pressure on the other. Thinking that somebody can fix you, or that you can fix somebody else, is wrong.

Love is an inside job. In order to love others, we have to first love ourselves. We have to mature in a way that we can take care of our own emotional needs. And in that way we accept the flaws in our partners because we have already accepted the flaws in ourselves. We are not caught up in fixing everything anymore, because fixing implies that something is wrong. Fixing means you think in terms of perfection and control.

‘You don’t love someone for who they are, you love them for what you think he or she can be’. A mistake I made many times. It is an illusion because what you see doesn’t mean it’s already blossomed in the other. Maybe that person is not there yet even though s/he has all the qualities. You don’t know the journey, the learning curve, of someone else. You can’t fall in love with potential.

It’s important to remember that how you make others feel about themselves says a lot about you.
You have to accept happily where you are in your life and know that you can improve the future. Once you can see your partner with different eyes and a willing, loving heart, there’s no more anger or controlling clinginess in this type of love.
We grow, evolve. We bond and unbind. People change, organically. Naturally.

If you don’t know how to love, you will inevitably destroy it. Life is too short to keep playing games. When you love you love. Reach out. Don’t ever let an opportunity go by to tell someone that you love her or him. The search for personal knowing is a journey only you can take. It will take courage, but being brave isn’t supposed to be easy.
Move out of love not out of fear. And do it. Decide.
Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Decide.

So.

What is love
? You will know it, by the way it feels.

Love you.

The Long Exhale

Sarah Mable

After I got back from France in January 2015 my heart was broken so bad that my body felt like it had been crushed by a shower of flying stones. It has took me a year to get over it, to feel it, go through it and move on.

Time. They say the healer and the killer and I took my time for once and it didn’t kill me.
My impatience led me into a lot of D-tours in my life because I was just to impatient to wait. To hold out. This time I did what I actually never had done, not really. I looked back and reflected. Waited. Took my time. Pheww.. What a journey so far.

Not only my heart was broken but I broke a heart too by previous ending an 11 year relationship. Choices I made from going to France and leaving my daughter with her father, to that she would be more with her father than me. I experienced that I had never been alone since my first relationship at 14, or by myself, and always accommodated to the person I was with at the time. That I didn’t truly know who I was, I hadn’t got the time because I wanted to know the other thoroughly.
I’m a lover that’s what I’m good at but why was it so hard to love myself that I rather loved someone else first.

Worked in different industries from Music, to Healthcare, Education to Tech. Working at Bynder where I experience that I can love so many people at once and really found a place where I can use my strengths (and love). Discovered the writer in me and that a lot of stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. That life is indeed about grabbing each moment and make the most of it. Being brave isn’t supposed to be easy and to really make a heart choice and do what you feel is right. Isn’t either.

All the things that I had learned that last couple of years it was as if I had to let it go to really embody it. When experienced things will stick, it will add an emotional belief unto an intellectual understanding. I started working out, crossfit, weightlifting, cardio and experienced, I love it more than yoga. I loved it so much that my kneecap dislocated during a burpee?! Knee trauma beyond my limits, but it was a metaphor: Your life is always speaking to you. ‘Slow down baby, you are going to fast, you got your hands in the air and your feet on the gas..’

Sarah MableI met someone so vastly different than me but made me laugh so hard and showed that I can just loosen up, don’t think about it too much because life will happen anyways and I saw a whole other side of me. Grateful for that meeting. It opened up a new experience in my life. Met a whole new group of people that showed me a new way of being.
I stopped with my strict regime of early mornings meditation and writing and just did what felt good in the moment, not what I thought that I needed to do to feel good.

Went to work everyday with a smile on my face. Went to the gym almost every day because it feels good and my body feels better then ever before. Organised at work an amazing summit in Sardinia and loved every minute of it. Followed the stream, and let it carry me.
I started writing and meditating at different times. Creating a new website that will be released in March 2017! Writing my first book. Release date is to be announced.

I silently said I LOVE YOU throughout the year to everyone that I met or had conversations with just because it felt good to do so. And said it about 200 times a day to myself just because it was time to do so. Drank to much Champagne. But it suits me. Tried Tinder for a month or two, the horror never again. Romance is better in my head.. for god sake. Snapchat. Love it. Love to make stories. You are following me right? sera211.
Got to get to know my village and the people more and appreciated and loved it so much more.
A young man. Nuff said.

My daughter, mijn meis, even though I’m a different mother, not in the traditional way, I am a mother and love this vibrant and inspiring girl with every viber in my body. She is more heaven on earth than I ever knew. Laughed more, felt better, did less to feel better no other then to be conscious with my life now and accept that what is now I said YES to at one point.

I did it. Rebuild my roots to see clearly. Know what love is by seeing what isn’t.
Yes contrast, I bow to you now. Fuck the shoulds. I am here to make light happen.
Grateful he broke me heart that’s how I found myself again. Gifts always come in disguise, pain, failure, tears, fears. The gift is never the wrapping.

2016. You where a long exhale.
I am humbly, fiercely grateful.
And as you know, I am done with what needs to be done.
And I am ready for what’s right around the corner.
More. Than. Ever.
X

You got me.

dance

No. I will not make the first move.
I will not move at all,

carry me.

 

#simplicityofwords

Don’t waste time; an ode to Mr. Daalder

Flowers

The most beautiful heart-to-heart conversations I had, was during my studies as a coach while working in VUmc with Cancer patients. The department was radiotherapy and it was located underneath the hospital, no widows, full-time air-conditioning, you know that everyone who was coming in, is sick. Sick to the bone. It was a special kind of atmosphere.

When you are feeling sick with a chance that you will not make it, life gets intensified. Fear, love and courage will get a whole new meaning. People take off their masks, what you see is what you get, and most of the time it was heart even when it was hard. The strongest language there was the intuitive language.

Sometimes people brought me little presents just because I was there for them to listen. I have been taught, during those days, the ability to look at someone without immediately composing a thought or judgment on him or her.
I will never forgot one person in particular; he was a great piece of work, as they would say. He was in his late sixties and he told me he had been a real ‘nozem’ I believe one of the Dutch earliest modern subcultures. I could see that he was a big and strong man at one point but cancer had gotten him, but not beaten him. His body was very sick but his heart, a big old beautiful heart, was so alive and present. We talked a lot about our passions and how to follow ones path.

Some of the lessons he taught me are embodied in my soul.
Who’s not deeply sensitive at their core? Everyone is, even the ones who are saying they are not sensitive. The only thing is that people can only meet you, as deeply they’ve met themselves. Despite how open and loving you are.

Life is going to hurt deeply, but it is meant to be felt. When you have overcome the hurt you feel different because you know more now, that’s what grief does. Your heart is more expanded, it’s bigger.

You are an artist when you say you are. And you are a good artist when you make somebody else experience or feel something deep or unexpected.

Life gets very frustrating if the deeper dimension is missing.. and when people can’t seem to find a deeper meaning they will distract themselves with pleasure.

The difference between giving up and knowing when you had enough.
Don’t waste time.
If it doesn’t feel good. Get out. Don’t pretend.

In life it is never about you getting what you need.
Are you giving all that you have?

Flowers

A couple of years ago I wrote for the VPRO a short story, the theme was: ‘a journey around the world in 80 words.’ It was an ode to him.

De reis.
Jimmy is een reiziger.
Scheve lach. Zijn litteken is vers. Mooie jongen. Charismatisch.
Hij pakt zijn bak, geeft over. Moe van de reis.

Hij tilt mijn hand op naar zijn mond. Zelfverzekerd. Warm. Veilig. Rustig.
Kus. Droog. Mijn vinger blijft aan zijn lip plakken.
Waar ben je? Hij glimlacht, laat mijn hand los, spreidt zijn armen.

Een, twee, drie. Drie draden uit zijn lichaam.
Jimmy heeft het gezien. Zijn rolstoel kraakt.

Ik kijk in zijn ogen
en zie de wereld.

Pull me in

Pars Pas

He has years of wisdom in his heart and life in his bones. My dear friend, we live in different countries, we have different lives but he feels exactly when it’s time for a heart-to-heart.

Let this story wash over you.

My dearest, I want to know,
is your heart still aching and do you still dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing. Do you still dare to risk looking like a fool for love? Even after those heartbreaks, can you still see life as one adventure for being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon, important is that every person needs to have their moment in the sun. I want to know if you touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have you become shrivelled and closed from fear and further pain. It takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory. I want to know if you can sit with your pain or someone else’s pain, without moving to hide it, fade it or fix it. Never overestimate your power to change others but never underestimate your power to change yourself. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
What makes people weak is the constant need for validation and recognition. Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Understand that nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence and remember that nothing in this world happens by chance. Trust your instincts.

Pars PasIf what you want is still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk and the hardest test will be the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what you encounter. Happiness is liking what you get and the importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you do not betray your own soul. Successful people will never lie to themselves. The truth hurts only once and a lie every time you remember it. Denial would be to ignore your shadow part and a disaster would be if you totally surrender to it.
I want to know if you can see beauty and feel joy even when it’s not pretty everyday. That you can make what is hard soft, what is difficult easy and what is undoable done.
It’s important to reflect inwardly, to examine the mystery behind the form. Don’t get lost in form or distracted by the superficial, nothing is as it appears and nothing is as important as it first seems. Don’t major in minor things. The Devil always comes looking good.

And last my dear, Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be no one can tell the difference. When you are brave you will have the courage to pursue someone who is worth pursuing and not someone who is convenient. Convenience is impatience disguised as your desires. We are all slaves by our desire controlled by the things we think we need. You are worth more than what time has told you and you need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.

And if you fall in love with someone don’t be a slow leaking faucet,
be a bloody hurricane and let him,
pull you in.

Start with Why

Spring Edam

In his great TED talk Simon Sinek explains how great leaders inspire action.

Why you do what you do.

Not only Simon Sinek but in a lot of literature and metaphysical texts like ACIM there’s always the question to think about: Do you know why you do what you do. And what is it for?

What’s your purpose, what’s your cause, what’s your believe. Why do you get out of bed in the morning. And why should anyone care?

Inspiring leaders all think, act, communicate from the inside out. Most people communicate the opposite; they start with what they are doing, how they are doing it and then expect a certain behaviour. This is behaviour by default. It’s uninspiring.

Communicating from the inside out is talking directly to the part of the brain that controls behaviour. The limbic brain, this is where ‘gut’- decisions comes from.

Sometimes you get an offer to good to be true but it just doesn’t feel right.
Sometimes you do things that make no sense at all but feels right to do.

The part of the brain that control decisions making doesn’t control language, you feel it. You believe it. It’s not intellectual. Or as they say, you can tell the truth by the way it feels.

Sarah Grenoble HikeOn an interpersonal level believe has to do with integrity. Without integrity life simply doesn’t work. People who inspire have an impressive inner cohesion. They have union and harmony, they are not fragmented instead they are calm, settled and rooted. They do not crumble or blown off course by storms. They radiate a certain humility and soft self-discipline. They are not thinking about the impressive work they are doing. They do it, they get things done. They are not dropping lines of their own accomplishments instead they respect the life they have lived, struggled toward maturity and achieved a certain depth through it.

Through experience they know Why they do what they do. They build trust and believe within themselves. Not afraid of what other people might think. They express themselves. Authentic leaders. They talk about what they believe and then will attract people who believe what they believe. Because they speak and feel from the inside out and not from their Ego. They are honest.

It takes one person or one business, one idea to change perception. To make a shift and to believe. Science is full of these mind-bending paradigm shifts: the discovery that the Earth is round; the discovery that matter is energy; the discovery that observer independence is an illusion.
Your life is full of these mind-bending shifts too and they have an incredible power: the kind of power that can change your life.

There are leaders and those who lead. Leaders hold a position of power but those who lead inspire us.
We follow those who lead not because we have to but because we want to.
We don’t want people around us who need what we have.
We want people around us who believe what we believe.
That kind of power is a force of nature.

We follow those who lead because we are creatures of hope and meaning. We are seekers. We have fire in the belly. We want to know the world. We question dogma and rage against darkness. We constantly want to upgrade ourselves. We do not want to let go of… love…. life.
We want to know what pulls us, what pushes us,
what beckons us.

We want to know,

why.

The complexity of love. Part 3. Romance

Sarah Mable

As you know when you read my blog is that love fascinates me, it’s what makes life interesting. The relationship you have with yourself mirrors the relationship you have with a significant other. Why do we fall in love and why with that person? And why suddenly it can be over? Why do we crave it? And why is it complex, or why are we so complex when it comes to romantic relationships?

I have a soft spot for love and melancholy because I think those two things are interrelated. Love and sadness they exist in the same space. When we are struck by love, it’s already immediately a memory. We start fantasying and we enter another space. Also when the moment is happening and we mourn the fact that the moment will end. There’s fear that our heart might break if we open up to this other person. It happens with people as a result of having to try too hard to get their very essential needs met that they just got worn down and felt they had no choice to get tough. Stiffen. Or sometimes you feel so strapped down by hungry ghosts and frustration that you can’t seem to help yourself anymore. You stopped circulating your love. You forgot what it was and how it felt. Oy.

My interest in love comes from my family I believe we all had this craving to know more about it, so we tried..
I learned from my grandmother that a man his greatest psychic craving is that his thoughts should be respected and a woman’s greatest psychic craving is that her feelings will be cherished. In other words she told me, ‘let a man be a man (aka let him feel like a man) so you can be a (real) woman.’ ‘Let him drive his car, open the door and carry your suitcases while you take care of the emotional layers in between (we ladies are like onions, peel us right).’
And women love the layers, the emotional sea we have to navigate through. Evolution is not as the latest iPhone, our brain, our hormones are way behind, ey.
I can translate what my grandmother told me as that a romantic relationship between a man and a woman (it can between same sex as well) is that we want him to rise and feel alive, confident, comfortable and strong as a man in this world when he can relax into his own natural urges. We call out his best, while he calls out our best.

It’s the love of the adolescent. Legalized insanity. Biochemically, it is told that it’s no different from doing lots of cocaine, in that way you become addicted to the other person. Being in love narrows our focus so much that the rest of the world dissipates and goes dim. In that moment we act from our deepest core, we know exactly how to love. There are no wounds at the core and there is no gap between you and me.
The world becomes this one person and that’s a lot of pressure for just one person but not when we are in love. We find it delicious these moments when everything just feels right with this other person. Two bodies melting into each other without any effort, the merge in the space of romantic intoxication.

With the genes of my grandmother flowing through my veins, I do love when he’s driving, I know I can do it myself, it’s indeed the feeling when he does it. Sarah Mable
Women love hands on lower backs. We love it when words disturb the rhythm of our pulse. Unexpected midnight text messages. We love to dream together, make memories, get unpredictable kisses. It’s all a dance and he’s leading.  It’s never logic. It’s always magic.

So what if we are lying to ourselves! And here comes the melancholy…  Love is tragic but let it be life biggest tragedy and let it be transformed into a beautiful play. We may make art out of our relationships (art is the lie that reveals the truth). My lovers can lie to me but they have to lie to me well: make me belief the illusion.

Romantic love. Romance. We make the illusion become reality and we enter a place together, a world shaped by a heart.
Or as the late Edgar Allan Poe says:

I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.

 

Love it.